She had the Aura of Burt Reynolds...

You know I’ve often wondered what it would be like to have grey hair. To that end I went speed-dating last night to find a partner to start a family. Something that is recommended by Loreál for greying one’s hair. Apparently I am worth it.

Anyway, all the women at the speed-dater meeting seemed very pleasant and I did not get the slightest hint of National Socialist tendencies from any of them, which I found quite lovely. One of them caught my eye very early on. She was of Mediterranean appearance and had an aura about her that one sometimes sees around people like Burt Reynolds or Princess Anne.

I asked her about her oranges…. (or is that origins) and she told me that she was born in Pakistan. I was so stumped by this, as I was sure she was of Mediterranean extraction, that I resorted to that good old first-date conversation piece about religion. She told me that she was Muslim to which I responded by saying that Islam is hardly flavour of the month here in England at the moment.

Judging by the way she glared at me I thought I would try to show that I was on her side by saying I was half German and Italian and that I’ve had to put up with far too many people disliking me most of my life.

Funnily enough it was at precisely the same point in time when she excused herself by saying ‘I need to go and have a shit.’ that it dawned upon me that possibly having no sense of what to say on a speed-dater evening would be the reason I would not get any dates as well

and I didn't....