Being Here, Nor There.

Dear Vicar,
Pierro here. why?... err no sorry I can't answer that question very well but if you don't like it it is tough because I am not somewhere else. Which I suppose begs the question why am I not somewhere else?

In fact that is exactly what I suspect you are thinking whilst reading this drivel. As a point in fact I feel as though I must point out that, in purely relative terms I am somewhere else right at this very moment according to everybody else who is not here. Or, put another way, I am either somewhere else according to 7 billion other people, for that is the approximate population of the world as I write, or that somewhere else is just one handy holding point.

Now I could be very clever and say that I am in 7 billion other places, or I am in one other place that 7 billion people share. In that sense I am actually in two places at once.

I am in either

A) Here

B) Somewhere else

Being in two places at once would have many advantages. The first is that nobody would truly know where I was. The second is that I wouldn't know where I was.

The first one of these means that hiding is very easy and I can be left alone to have a peaceful cup of tea on my own with a nice slice of cake and maybe a newspaper.

The second one of these means that it would be very difficult for me to hide seeing as though I wouldn't know where I was. For example, if I was in a Chinese restaurant but didn't know it, how would I be able to go and hide somewhere hideworthy? Well I wouldn't would I?

In any case I never was very good at hiding which, incidently was exactly what my father gave me one day when I accidentally stepped on his electric potato peeler in 1972. It was very expensive apparently. This event alone has forced me into a situation to realise that I was actually in one place because he was able to administer aforementioned thrashing for the damaged potato peeler.  That alone indicates to me that all the aforementioned is a load of old crap!

Sorry for having bothered you.